I am currently scanning my my newest roll of medium format film; the last roll I had picked up was some 4 months ago…maybe more. I haven’t been happy with much of what I’ve shot but I’ve beginning to care less and less. I remember when photography was a competition to me…I was the young guy working in a pool of seasoned veterans…they had nothing to prove and seemingly, I had to prove everything. I used to shoot and shoot and shoot away…blasting countless actuations in hopes of acquiring the next photo that would gain me a bit of recognition amongst my peers…allowing me to make the next step…to get the better assignment. After a while it lost its luster…what you may ask? Photography. I lost my drive to create…not because I didn’t love it but because I had spent so much time modeling my creative mind after what I thought others would like…not what I liked…and when I stopped to think about what it was that I liked, I had no idea.
Photography was created to establish lasting memories not to create another competitive outlet for those who weren’t a fan of organized sports anymore. I saw myself fall into the habit of composing my shots identically to that of the artist whose latest book I just read…Renaldi, Soth, Hido, Abel…all of them. I lost MY own train of thought…I lost my identity…my photographic life. Since I’ve worked in the field of photography here in New York, it’s been quite a love hate relationship…working in the news industry has shown me that the best photograph doesn’t always see the light of day but rather the image that best accompanies the text. As a photographer your goal is to have the image do the talking…a photo is worth a thousand words but a great photo is worth an million words. What am I getting at? To be honest…I don’t really know but this is how my head works so I’m writing it down. I sometimes wish that I was a photographer…that I never gave up the dream that I started back with so long ago between the crowds and the barricades of my favorite bands when I was just a teen…when I used to carry around my N65 proudly and drop my film off weekly at the Neshaminy mall…back then things were easy and autofocus was just fine because the pictures came out in the end…but I guess this is growing up.